I struggle with wanting you all the time, so please don’t mistake my silence for indifference. It’s just I have to hold myself back because I feel too much. Too often. If i let it all out then i would end up telling you ever single thought i'd had about you that day. All at once. When you're away i get so home sick from you and i let it get so ontop of me which is silly, because its an unchangeable situation, i can't help lying in bed at night awake thinking about how much i wish you where there with me. Sometimes the only thing that stops me getting on a train to Edinburgh is i'd get so horrendously lost trying to find your house. 

I want to appolagise, I'm now aware that I do tend to be a pain by pointing out some of your boys might be crushing on you. I think it is something that annoys you which is fair enough and I've realised I'm an ass for doing it. There your mates. If I'm straight to the point it's minor protectiveness. I do tend to view guys being really pally with girls as diving in which, is stupid and really quite shit of me. I'm working on it big style, as well as needing less reassurents. 

Wanted you to know that I'm sorry kate.

I didn't want to say this out loud because I wouldn't be able to say it properly so you'd get it. You know when we where talking about when I said ' you're only using me for my flat' I think you maybe thought I was trying to say you shouldn't be doing anything in Glasgow without me there. That it botheres me of you do. It struck a nerve and I know being open with you about that is alright. It was the fact you'd questioned what I told you as if what I said wasn't what I ment. You really need to know that I've got no other motive. What I say, Is what I mean. 

It's important for you to know that so you know every time you ask me something important, that what comes out of my mouth is 100% my thoughts. I can be so free when I speak to you.

And I know, sometimes I tell you I'm fine when you can tell I'm not. I'm still figuring out what to say, it tends to be when I open my mouth I don't have the chance to finish what I'm saying.There's already someone speaking...

(Side note: that's the norm I don't feel as though you do, I'm still getting used to the fact you do listen, you want to know and you'll get it, you know?)

It means so much to me when you sit & listen and you still feel like you're in the room with me. Sure I get it I do tend to take the long road around with my stories, they aren't really that interesting. I love it when people ask questions, it can make or break a day. Now I'm just waffling but when I tell you these things I feel better. Don't feel like they are aimed at you the last bit I'm just emptying the head haha. 

I'm in this for you and only you.